The Bat People

The final Beowulf is coming but first an intermission review! The Bat People is a very maligned film. It is featured on the IMBD’s worst 100 movies of all time. Even B-movie sites tend to call it completely unwatchable. I’m going to be honest here. This blog is willing to defend what is considered undefendable by most. In my opinion, the film doesn’t really deserve its reputation. It isn’t even as boring as many modern pretentious blockbusters. While it is certainly far from a great film I found it watchable and humorously enjoyable. 

The Bat People stars Stewart Moss and Marianne McAndrew.  Interesting tidbit--these two were married for four years before the making of this movie. They play Cathy and John Beck who will have their marriage tested by. . .bats.  

The film begins with Dr. John having a nightmare about swarms of bats. Kinda strange considering it is his occupation to study bats. Seems like they would be old hat after a while. Premonition or bad directing, you decide. Anyway, the next day the two go on a picnic only to be startled by a bat resting on their picnic basket in the middle of the day. Cathy is repulsed by it so John throws a rock scaring off the poor sleep-deprived dear. John says that he wants to head to the caves to study bats for his job but Cathy reminds him that they have a still overdue honeymoon that they need to take. So to compromise they decide to have sex in the cave. Romantic? Well no worries, disgusted individuals, because they are interrupted by a bat which bites John and kills the mood.

The next day in the car John asks, “I wonder what we look like to a bat.”  His wife remarks that she doesn’t care and that she only cares about John. John remarks that he cares about her “and bats.” They then go on and decide to go skiing. John starts freaking out on the lift, scaring everyone there. A few minutes later he is back to normal completely oblivious to what has just happened to him. They ski and have a good time like normal until they decide to go to a hot-tub. John has a bat-spasm once again leading to Cathy calling the doctor. Doctor Kipling (who has one awesome mustache) tells them that they have to be wary of rabies but that since it has a one to five month incubation period symptoms should not be appearing yet if he is infected. 

While hospitalized over night John becomes bloodthirsty and kills a night-shift nurse while having his hand transform into a battish appendage to the point that his wedding ring slips off at the scene of the crime. Most hospital employees think it was simply an accident that killed the nurse. The doctor is convinced that John is innocent but is feeling misplaced guilt over the incident. Cathy is eager to get John sent home but John understands that he is turning into a bloodthirsty creature and insists on staying. It is too late for staying, though, and so he checks into a motel.

To John’s dismay, a man named Sergeant Ward, who found his hospital bracelet next to the nurse's body, has begun to look into any possible connection he could have had to the death.

One night John goes to bed only to wake up screaming at the memory of killing a girl. Cathy convinces him that it was all a dream until the Sergeant knocks at the door and reports finding a bloody bandage that belonged to the murderer of a young girl. He asks if it is John’s.  While going into the hospital again for another round of rabies preventative shots he has another bat-seizure. After that he steals an ambulance and goes on a joyride. Now I can get it if you turn into some sort of werebat that drinks blood but why would it compel you to steal a vehicle with flashing lights and loud sirens? Not only is it too stupid to be done by a normal person, but too smart to be done by a bat, which would struggle with handling heavy machinery. How conscious is he during these bat-episodes?  After a long and tedious chase scene Beck drives Ward’s car off the road and takes shelter in an abandoned barn. 

Inside the barn he is greeted by a drunken hobo.  The hobo tells him a beautiful speech about how alcohol is a depressant and how no one who wants to be free and happy should drink it. But he says he drinks so much that he gets unbelievably depressed and completely forgets huge gaps of his life and to him that is true freedom. I nearly shed a tear at the very eloquent yet nonsensical monologue. It is then revealed that the hobo had a hurt hand. At this point I was freaking out. “AHA! The vagabond is the other bat-guy! This movie does have two bat-people!” Alas, I was mistaken. Even though hand abnormalities seemed to be the primary way of showing that John is part bat, in this case it was sheer red herring. John becomes ravenous again and kills the smelly homeless guy and steals his urine-soaked clothing.

I will miss you philosopher-tramp!

While John ditches his poor wife to hang out with his bat-buddies in the old cave; Sergeant Ward is putting the moves on Cathy. Mrs. Beck still refuses to believe that John would hurt anyone despite the overwhelming amount of evidence against him. She resists all of Ward’s advances.  Still the point of why would Ward would try to seduce a woman married to someone that could have been infected with rabies is pretty weird. Especially when I should note all of the women who worked at the hospital in town looked like 70’s models and they came in all hair colors you could possibly want. Maybe he just likes to live dangerously?

Meanwhile, John steals a lab coat and returns to the hospital and gets an (above average attractive) nurse to get him a blood-bag, which he then slurps down. The horrified nurse runs and gets the conveniently located Sergeant to chase after him. Ward loses track of him but later listens to a bunch of audio-tapes recorded by John in the cave where he confesses to the crimes and reveals his bat-metamorphosis. 

Cathy is still convinced even now John is merely confused while drugged on medicine and completely innocent. John, not completely over his past human life, pays his wife a visit in the middle of the night where they have sex. This is a hilarious scene where Cathy looks up during the act to see the bat-face of her husband. The bat make-up  effects are amazingly bad which should make it all the more surprising when I tell you they were handled by Stan Winston who would later go on to win three Oscars for the film Jurassic Park!

Anyway, Cathy wakes up to find John is gone and calls the police to tell them that she shot her husband. Ward knowing this is a crock doesn’t even investigate further before he heads to the caves to look for John. He confronts the human John and knocks him around (without reading him his Miranda rights) which leads to John turning into a hyper-intelligent ape bat-person and beating the crap out of Ward. The now bruised Sergeant drives with Cathy in his car only to be attacked by a group of bats who splatter blood on his windshield. So, are these Kamikaze bats, are they dripping blood from their fangs or do they just have bloody stools?  I can’t tell you this as it makes no sense. Cathy has now revealed to been made a bat person after exposure to John’s semen and she randomly leaves the car. The bats gnaw at the Sergeant turning him into a bloody mess until he shoots himself in the head to end it. Cathy now walks to the caves to join her husband while the cheesy theme song plays.

Overall, this film is pretty good for one of the bottom 100 movies on IMDB.  Maybe I just have low expectations or maybe I just can’t hate a movie that taught me about the length of the incubation period for rabies. No matter what complaints I have now I can’t say I didn’t learn something. Sure the special effects were underwhelming and had a completely unreasonable build-up time but the acting was pretty good considering its infamy. Personally, I like to think of the film as having two very important messages.  Bats can strengthen a marriage and always read your patient their Miranda rights if you don’t want to be eaten alive. 

My final score is 3.5 out of 5. Three being average that means this film entertained me above the average amount.  It wasn’t the snooze-fest that everywhere claims it to be considering I watched it at midnight and never had an urge to conk-off.  One of my friends had to use every measure under beating me with a sledgehammer to wake me up after The Matrix Revolutions. May explain why I have a few bats in my belfry.